I was working on this as I watched the Tudors on Netflix, and before I knew it, The Queen of Tarts took after the snooty and proud Anne Boleyn.
The Queen of Tarts loves all tarts and has perfected making them in her spare time and so naturally, she is the authority. She seats herself on her plush divan and sniffs at tarts that she has had made for her by the innovative kitchen staff of the palace. If tarts were alive, she would have married one. But as such she remains a spinster, because in this unfortunate era, tarts do not have a pulse. Yet.
Susan Oak is the real Queen of all tarts, big and small, sweet and sour, sticky and smooth. She does not to wait for live tarts, and chooses instead, a wonderful human boyfriend:)